There it goes again, my mind going crazy
Wishing for somebody
Can someone help me
Thos torture is more than horror
Its reality, total fatality

Learn how to love the ones around you even when your heart is broken. It heals faster

i love being a lowkey type of person, its amazing!

ever since things change, i see things differently.
im remembering all of the things i loved about life before mixed with the new, its just amazing to LIVE!

just like the fcking ocean. calm, unknown, and im back to the going with the flow type of shit. glad to say, things are for the better. thanks lord 

its odd when you start noticing that you start liking your best friend. at first i tried my best to deny that i was actually falling, falling for someone you never thought in that way. it’s funny though, i never fell for anyone before, and yet there you were.

i knew it was bad to have feelings for you in the first place, i just brushed it off hoping that it will eventually fade. days and months past and i couldn’t help but want to get to know you better. knowing that other people wanted to get to know you made me want to be more selfish. i often asked for your time, asked about your day, and asked about random stories. they made days better though you were the reason for the darkness.  during these times i would call you my life, all i did was often think about you. you were the reason for every emotion and every action i did. when we went to mexico, i was the happiest i could be, my crush and i experience something amazing together. it was something unbelievable. i felt like we were attach to the hip after that trip. 

but it all went downhill during the summer. summer 2012, the summer that i want to forget and remember 

another letter to you. 

damn, i just seem to think of you often, i question what youre doing now? whats the latest fad you have and how your days are going. i know im not ready to continue the friendship, the feeling will surely come back. im so scared that you met someone new! i dont know how to take that. but all i can do is be happy for you.

its so hard to let go of you, you were something special in my life and it isnt that easy to start all over. i have so many stories i want to tell you but its better if i didnt. how am i suppose to say that youre still my best friend when i feel this is the most distant we have ever gotten. Why cant i let go of the fact that we are suppose to be something great? are we suppose to be something great as friends or something more? why do i feel like youre not fully honest? why do i feel like theres something missing in the story?

i guess i will never know. i’d like you to know that ive been feeling a lot better than i have been for a while. i feel like theres a better future for me but i still want you there. 

im thinking about the summer thats coming and i can’t help but think of the great memories i have been repressing. any day with you was amazing! to see you for a merely second made my day a lot better. those random conversations, learning more about you, and everything about you. you were the one pursue my dream of wanting to explore places to surprise you.i still can’t understand this feeling i get when i use to be around you. it made me happy all the time, though in my head i knew i couldnt have you. i was far too blind to comprehend the situation. i guess if i stopped the feelings earlier, things wouldn’t be as worse as they are right now. 

i dont get those feelings of butterflies in my stomach when we hang out anymore. i cant even look at you the same anymore, but thoughts of you keep occurring. you seemed distant the other night, i can’t lie. and i can’t also help the fact that i hate the feeling of not knowing whats going through your head. i loved that we still talked about the same things, ill try not to get any feelings.. i guarantee. 

 I come in to peoples life for that amount of time they need and leave. I wander in to the next persons life, hoping i will stay but life eventually happens. I go to many places around the world, many experiences in various cities and countries, knowing that i am just there for a brief moment in time.

But this is just me, this is how I live and how i see the world. This is how i try live in the moment. I dont know when I am going to drift from a persons life, and i know that i can’t stay in one place for too long. Make memories of everything, even if you can’t remember them all 

Dear you,
Its been a while hasnt it? I still see you but its not the same. I know you dont feel the same and i completely understand why but i sure miss your company. How have you been? Probably some guy is trying to get at you or something or watching a new tv show and have a new celebrity crush.
I know you dont feel the same but can i just explain how amazing you truly are. Can i tell you how funny your jokes are but i wont laugh at it. Can i tell you that when i use to talk to you it made my day a lot better even though it was shit and what we talked about was random. Can i tell you that i learned who i was secretly with the lovely presence of you. Can i tell you how your the only person i know that i can be mad at but cant get angry for too long. Can i tell you that im happier now compared to the darkness i was in, but yet id choose those dark days one more time just to talk to you. Can i tell you that you had my attention all the time even though i have ADD with every other person and task. Can i tell you that anyone would be lucky to have you because you truly amazing and how envious i will be for that person. But i know i cant tell you this without anything being more awkward than what it is now.
I know i am hurting more than you are but what is really hurting me the most is that im know i cant be there through your hardships when you need someone. I truly miss our friendship but the foundation i built with our friendship isnt parallel to what you built it upon.
I have no more reasons to be angry with you but have the up most respect towards you even with your mistakes. But i really wanna say that i am sorry at this very moment for not being there for you right now and i miss you tremendlously. I cant wait to move on from this feeling and start a good chapter for our friendship again

i feel like im getting over you much quicker than i thought. i thought of you today and i didnt feel any butterflies, im forgetting memories about you which is good at least. i guess there is a benefit as to forgetting easily. i dont remember which memories brought me happiness, what adventures i took you in, the stories i told you, a lot of things i am forgetting. hopefully i forget this feeling soon cause i really want to be friends again 

lately, i have been having great moments, moments most wouldnt have a chance to talk about, moments that people would be excited to tell someone. however, these moments occur to me so often that i forget one moment after the next day waiting for the new one to come. i am not being boastful but it’s the truth. i often look back to a few moments that make me upset rather than the million happy memories that make my days much better. ill try to change this, maybe then ill move on faster